Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
