I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The feeling are messing with the penis
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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