sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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