Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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