Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
