he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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