My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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