Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
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Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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