She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
