so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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