Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
