There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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