I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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