yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
