Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
