I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
