Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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