Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
