You really coming over, don't trick.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
