Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
