She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
