Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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