You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
