i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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