12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
