I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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