Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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