I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
