It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
