Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
