i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
