fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
