I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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