Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
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You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
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DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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