Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
