Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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