I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
