i just had sex bonerless
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
