So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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