The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
