Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
