I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Fuck appropriateness.
Barsexuality is the new black.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
