Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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