It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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