My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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