the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
