I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
