I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
