You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
