my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
