So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
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Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
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I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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