Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
