haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
