why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
