The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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