Whod you bang
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Randomize
