I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
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It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
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And then the night went full on bisexual.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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