Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
