I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
