I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
