omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
