hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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