Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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