In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I looked at my own cervix.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
