I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
