took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The best revenge is premature balding
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
